Days 1-4

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 20:11:17 +0200

1/10/2007

I've got three months until I can go on that Trip to Tunisia and have my surgeries. I found out I'm able to get a loan without the need of a credit check. This is my own decision and it's no one elses. I'm unhappy with the way I look and I've seemed to have blamed this on all my problems, too. I'm having a nose job, chin implant, jaw implant, chin lipo and cheek fills. Got to contact the office again in 3 weeks time to book the date then book the flight. I can't wait. I think I want other stuff done to me as well like my smile (although I've been told by everyone I have a nice smile), my eyebrows but I'm mainly on a mission to lose 30lbs by January 2008.

I came into work today climbing the stairs as I always do but I noticed how terribly out of breath I was! It's to the point where I can't speak a sentence. I feel so unfit, sluggish and just a mess. And when I sit down, I can always feel how tight my clothes are. I go for lunch everyday craving for chips and gravy and all the other kinds of rubbish I've eaten.

But as from today I've decided to do something about it. I'm sick of being called "chubby", "lovehandles" and "bridget jones" from those at the local pub (that I've now been barred from but I don't want to talk about it. I was drunk so enough said). I need to stop drinking as well. Drink just doesn't suit me.

I started my workout regime very slowly, knowing how unfit I feel. Beforehand, I would do strict diets or regimes in BOOT CAMP mode and then burn 1000 calories a day then I would give up after day 2. I bit extreme I would say so yeah. I prefer working out at home because I think (as most women seem to say) is "I'm too fat for the gym!" Plus, no one would have to watch me and not have to pay membership.

So today, I ate the right amount of calories, drank lots of water and burned 200 calories which was a great steady start so I'm more likely to carry on.

2/10/2007

I don't really write blogs or journals as I think I'm no good at them and talk absolute nonsense (maybe I already have been). But excuse me I'm already being compared to Bridget Jones (Thanks a lot Buzz!).

Anyway, I did 2 short bursts of working out, burning a total of 500 calories. But then I binged on 500 calories worth of ice cream, cakes and buiscuits so it kind of didnt pay off but then again if I hadn't of excercised then I wouldve broke the diet/plan thingy!

I was at WAR with food today it was terrible. I ate things I didn't really need to have. I know I was comfort eating. It was over my ex. I'm still upset and I'm hung over him. I was so emotional last night.

I'm actually glad I'm doing this blog now because I can identify why I do what I do and realise how I feel about things.

And getting him out of my system is one thing I can do with. Time is a healer and it's going to take a long time. I didn't have feelings for him in the beginning but it seems as though it's turned around. He has moved on so I should start doing the same.

3/10/2007

Ok, more about my plan. Monthly weigh-ins instead of weekly as this should motivate me more. Doing this is going to be hard at this time of year. The last 3 months of the year when the weather gets colder and the days get shorter. It's just so depressing when it gets dark at 4 in the afternoon. And when you get up in the morning, it's still pitch black. It's going to be quite a challenge as I'll be encouraged to comfort eat, watch TV or stay in bed. But I'm already aware of the lack of actvity I do.

I understand that in the early stages of excercising, you're expected to ache everywhere and need to get more rest. I just don't want to give up this. I nearly did yesterday but I'm glad I haven't now.

No wonder I feel unfit and tight in my clothes. I look at my body in the mirror and feel disgusted with myself. Everytime I walk down the street, I'm aware of my "tree-trunk" thighs (thanks mum you bitch!) and just how much of a state I look overall. I certainly don't enjoy shopping for clothes, it's my worst nightmare for me right now. I usually have a habit of buying black clothes that are 2 sizes bigger than myself so I'm able to hide what I look like. And is it me or does anyone feel fat standing next to the mannequins? You see the clothes in shops in stores like New Look fit perfectly on them. Then you see the "Plus-size" mannequins and feel even worse.

It's amazing how moody I get over food. I keep wanting to binge eat and trying to kick my will-power in.

I guess I'm ok now. But it's so tough. I can't wait to get into more excercising. I'm eager for resultsand I'm expecting too much too soon as it's only day 3!

Resisted yet another potentail binge thankfully. Now do I remmeber what it was like to be slimmer with all the benefits? Yeah, a few years ago. Of course I got a lot more attention! I was much more attractive and the best thing was being able to wear what I wanted.

Yet another benefit of being slim was being told all the time how beautiful I looked. I can honestly say I haven't had comments like that in the past few years. Because not only I gained all that weight, I lost my sense of style, too.

I'm 153lbs, 5'6 tall and my BMI is 24.7, I'm apparantly "normal" but 1 or 2 more pounds gain, I'd be "overweight". The matter is the weight needs to go.

4/10/2007

Already, I've been fantasizing about my trip to Tunisia. About how thin I would already be wearing the clothes I would want to wear. Being in my hotel room resting while reading "Crystal" by Katie Price and keeping my self occupied while recovering on holiday. Maybe I should get myself some part-time or temporary job to get some extra spending money now that would be nice. Buy a fancy suitcase to pack in? A pink one maybe? What other books would I read?

I did so much better on my workout today. 600 calories before my first meal! Now that's quite an improvement from yesterday! I shouldn't rush things though I need to keep this up. So it seems I'm just about keeping on track. I do have a long way to go. I realise that.

I looked at some fitness equipment from the Argos catalouge today. I feel I should get some light weights and a skipping rope maybe.

Comments

That's it! I'm going to diet!

Days 1-4